


last night i dreamt that somebody loved me

by piielle



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anyways, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, IM BITTER, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Not Happy, OOC, Oneshot, Sad Ending, They are kinda OOC, This is a vent, Unrequited Love, idk if it is, idk what this is, just a little, sorry - Freeform, um, um is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-12 20:54:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16003127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piielle/pseuds/piielle
Summary: That summer, we both got a haircut on the same day. I don’t know if I would’ve fallen in love if he hadn’t gotten that haircut. That’s also a little dramatic, but I remember how good he looked. We went to the Salvation Army the day after The Haircuts and then to my house and I took a polaroid of him on my bedroom floor. My bedroom is grey, not blue. I remember how good he looked. That’s the most prominent thing I remember.Lance still has the polaroid on his dresser in his blue room. I’m not in it.





	last night i dreamt that somebody loved me

Acquaintances. We started out as acquaintances. Mutual friends, you know. He was best friends with Hunk. He still is, I guess. We exchanged about two sentences freshman year of high school. I didn’t know. I didn’t know.

“Lance, is there a meeting today for engineering?” was one of the sentences.

His response was something along the lines of, “Yeah, there is.”

\--

Sophomore year, we really became friends. He was in my third period. He sat behind me and he laughed at my jokes. Then, I really wanted to be his friend. He laughed at my jokes! So, sophomore year we became best friends. In that same year, I lost most of my friends except for him. I guess I just wasn’t really a good friend. I guess I’m still not. 

“He’s a liar! A liar! He said that the project was due a month from now! How could it possibly be due tomorrow? He put an F in the gradebook for me!” This was a frequent conflict we faced that year with our third period teacher, Mr. Johnson. It was only his second year teaching, so he really didn’t have everything under control. I guess nobody really has anything under control. I know I don’t.

\--

“Keith! Do you want to go to the beach with me on Saturday? I want to get rid of my tan from soccer season. It’s really embarrassing.” This was the first time we ever made plans outside of class. 

“Sure, sounds cool. Oh, also Pidge is in a play on Saturday, too. Wanna go see that after?” was my reciprocation.

I still remember that day. I don’t think I’ve ever had that much fun with anyone. I think I fell in love that day, which is dramatic. I get attached easily, obviously. But he was nice, and he was funny, and we drank chocolate milkshakes and he showed me his blue bedroom. We sat stage right and we both wore stripes. 

That summer, we both got a haircut on the same day. I don’t know if I would’ve fallen in love if he hadn’t gotten that haircut. That’s also a little dramatic, but I remember how good he looked. We went to the Salvation Army the day after The Haircuts and then to my house and I took a polaroid of him on my bedroom floor. My bedroom is grey, not blue. I remember how good he looked. That’s the most prominent thing I remember. 

Lance still has the polaroid on his dresser in his blue room. I’m not in it.

\--

We started junior year as best friends. During this year, things changed. Somewhere between September and October, I think I either developed a crush or started realizing I had one. He was in my third period again this year. I still liked his haircut. He started flirting with me.

lance, 5:42 pm: i’m madly in love with you  
lance, 5:43 pm: ;*

me, 5:45 pm: Babe! You flatter me

lance, 5:45 pm: i aim to please

\--

Then, when another person confessed about having a crush on me, things got muddy. I think at the time I thought Lance and I kind of had a mutual thing going on, but then I started thinking I might have jumped to conclusions. 

alex, 3:24 pm: hey, i know you probably already noticed or maybe not, but i have a crush on you. and i feel super dumb for texting you about it but i’m too scared to tell you in person. i completely understand if you don’t feel the same but i just thought you should know. hopefully this doesn’t make anything awkward

 

to lance, 3:25 pm: [Attachment: 1 Image] WHAT DO I SAY HOW DO I LET THEM DOWN EASY

lance, 3:26 pm: OH MY GOD  
lance, 3:26 pm: I DON’T KNOW JUST SAY YOU DON’T FEEL THE SAME BUT STILL WANT TO BE FRIENDS  
lance, 3:27 pm: unless you wanna go for it i mean

me, 3:28 pm: what?  
me, 3:28 pm: um  
me, 3:28 pm: i think i made a mistake

lance, 3:29 pm: what how

me, 3:35 pm: nvm

 

to alex, 3:38 pm: i’m sorry, i don’t feel the same but i really value your friendship and hope we can still be friends. i think you’re really cool and funny but i don’t see you as more than a friend. i’m sorry

alex, 3:40 pm: it’s okay i understand. hopefully i didn’t make it awkward lol

Alex and I are still friends now. I don’t know if they ever got over the crush. I hope so. Crushes fucking hurt. 

Anyways, obviously there were some mixed signals happening junior year. I thought Lance and I kind of clarified our relationship around the end of December with some texts regarding flirting, but I might’ve been mistaken when he still referred to me as “friend” and “buddy” frequently. In April, when I asked the terrifying question of “what are we,” he said we were just best friends. He said his last relationship messed him up and that he didn’t want to hurt me and that he did have a crush on me for a few months, but it faded when he thought I started liking him back. It was April 1st. I felt like a fool. 

But, a couple days later, he said he lied. He said he still liked me a lot, and that he wanted a relationship, and that he was just trying to protect me from himself. 

I kind of wish it had worked. I kind of wish he hadn’t told me the truth. Maybe now it wouldn’t hurt so much. 

That summer was really great for me. I felt like we had a pretty stable relationship then. Even though our relationship still wasn’t clearly defined or anything, he referred to me as his partner a few times and there was some cuddling and late nights under the covers. It was good. I was warm. I was happy.

The day before school started, he had a conflict with his mom. She was suspicious. It got weird after that. 

\--

Then, senior year started. 

Senior year, we don't share a third period, but we do share a sixth period. Now, I sit behind him. But it's different. Now, he doesn’t laugh at my jokes. He doesn’t flirt as much anymore. He’s mad at me a lot of the time and doesn’t listen when I speak. I love him. I love him. I love him.

I know he doesn’t love me back.

I know he doesn’t love me, maybe because of what happened with his mom. Maybe he got scared and he pushed away. Maybe he just doesn’t like me anymore. I get it. But, sometimes, he still flirts. He says he wants to dance with me at Spring Fling, but Spring Fling came around and he didn’t dance with me. Spring Fling came around and he was angry that I wore something he wished he wore. He was angry that I told him to stop yelling about my sexuality in front of strangers. I thought it was justifiable. I still do. He’s the only one that knows besides Shiro. 

He yelled at me for asking him a question about psychology, and he didn’t text me back for a week. He then got mad at me for not texting him back for a day, but on that day I was having a tough time and didn’t want to drag him down with me. I know his days are hard as it is. 

\--

I think I show my love in the shit I put up with. I show my love in the way I don’t push back when he treats me like a punching bag. I show my love in the way I ask him how his day was even though he never asks me how mine was, and how I let him be mad over things that are out of my control. 

I think I show my love in the wrong ways. I think this kind of love is the kind that ruined me. I think I made the wrong decision in who to love, and I think my love is how I got into this situation in the first place.

I don’t know if I can fix it. I don’t know if I want to. I think I’m out of love to give.

But it’s late at night, and he just texted me about something I don’t necessarily care about, but I have to pretend to be interested so I don’t hurt his feelings. I know he wouldn’t do the same for me. It seems like he enjoys hurting my feelings. 

I think it’s because I love too strongly; because I give love to people who don’t love me back. That’s just how it is. I’ve accepted it. I guess I just have to live with it.

Nobody has ever loved me like I loved them. I don’t think anyone ever will.

**Author's Note:**

> this is another vent because i'm bitter and i don't have anything else to do except my homework and its tough times in this chili's tonight thanks sorry if you read this it kind of makes no sense


End file.
